A Girl, Interrupted

I am sitting on the couch at war. A battle within is taking place, and since I have not grown the courage to say anything, I sit in silence. I’m supposed to want to do this, I know God is telling me to do this. A part of me really does want to do it, but there is another part of me that really doesn’t want to stay behind. 

Everything so far had gone according to “plan.” We had been in Thailand for two weeks, my mom had come and we had seen God do some incredible things. Things like connecting us with people who could help us get a safe house up and running and we met them in the weirdest ways. We met them on Santaos (a form of public transport) and in restaurants. Some were Christians and others were Buddhists. All of us had the same goal: to rescue and restore women exploited night after night. God had poured out His Spirit on us and we had visions and dreams of a future bigger than any of us could have hoped for. We were seeing a move of God unlike anything I had ever experienced, and yet there was a battle.

Girls wanted out. They had agreed to meet with us on the day Melissa and I were scheduled to board a train that would begin our journey back to Manila. Coach texted us about the meeting and so we went. As Coach told these beautiful women about what we do and why, tears streamed down their faces. They were experiencing love unlike anything they had ever known before and love was drawing them in. We took them to the house and let them see for themselves. It still needed a lot of work, so much cleaning and repairs still needed, but we had beds and we were ready. Our only problem: who would stay in Thailand and live with the girls?

So I sit on a couch, hating that a battle is happening inside of me. “This is what I’m here for,” I kept telling myself. “What is your problem?” I realized, then, on that couch, that I do not like to be interrupted. I have an idea of a schedule and I am not fond of my schedule being derailed. An hour before we were supposed to board a train, we were deciding to stay and I was not happy because it was not on my agenda. I wanted to pour out love and see these girls rescued, but I also wanted to stay on schedule, my schedule that is.

We stayed behind, canceled all our tickets and settled in. The girls told us they would let us know when they were ready to move in and we told them we were here when they were ready. We cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned. The girls came and helped us clean. We waited and watched the Lord woo these daughters He loved.

My heart was changed and transformed. In the watching and waiting, Holy Spirit was softening my heart. His ways are so much higher than mine. His thoughts are so much higher than mine. He has shown me how important it is that I be interrupted. I need the interruptions to wake me from the slumber of complacency that I can so easily slip into. When I surrender my will to His, I am not only changed, but lives around me are impacted, forever. So here I am, a girl interrupted. Here I am, a girl surrendered.

 

During my time in Thailand, I had the opportunity to reunite with some old friends. They have a podcast and I was interviewed for one of their episodes! If you would like to hear a little about how I came to Christ and some of my experiences on the mission field, click this link and have a listen!