I read…a lot. Some say I read too much but I refuse to let that kind of negativity into my life. The books I read vary in genre, everything from fiction to spiritual and all things in between. My love for reading was birthed in the night hours with my mother’s voice reading as my heavy eyes fell into deep sleep. I was hooked and from then on, my rebellion coming in the form of a flashlight and a book under my pillow.
Books have always been a sort of escape for me. I can go to the imaginary lands and fight dragons or fall in love, maybe both. It was how I satisfied the deep longing within for adventure. I never wanted my life to be ordinary. I still don’t want my life to be ordinary. An ordinary life has always equated a wasted one for me. I imagine getting married, buying a house, having a couple of kids, maybe a dog, in a suburb in some city and I shrivel up inside. I look at the old woman in the mirror, the one who chose that life, and all I see is regret.
Lately, I have been reading a book that has shook me to the core. It has caused me to question everything. As I read, I have begun to see parts of me that are ugly and I find myself having to stop and repent. This book has not been any sort of escape, but rather, a magnifying glass on my life.
I finished a pretty large chunk of the book today, and as I got into my car to begin my drive home, I felt hopeless. “How can I ever live up to all of this God? How will I ever really be great in Your Kingdom when I have so much pride in my life?” I cried out to Him, repenting for everything, again, and wondering if I would ever conquer the pride and selfishness that has followed me since my entrance into this world.
“How many times have you asked Me if you could ever conquer something? How many times have I been faithful?” He replied. I felt peace as He asked me those questions. There was no condemnation or judgement in His words. There never is. He simply replied to me and then I remembered, I’m not on my own.
This grand adventure of life was meant to be lived with God, not just for Him. To live for God implies that I’m on my own in this. He tells me what I need to do and then it’s “Peace out! Good luck! Remember your scripture verses!” and I’m left standing in front of the giant with a couple rocks and a verse about overcoming.
To live with God means I’m never on my own. It means I stand before the giant with a couple rocks and the Word Himself standing behind me with the power that created the universe. When He said He’d never leave me or forsake me, He meant it. He’s going nowhere, but how many times have I told Him “I got this,” and turned to slay the dragons with my little hands? The key, then, is to do life with Him. It is a labor of love, this life we are called to. When we step out of love and begin to do out of duty or a sense of obligation, we have missed the point and our work means as much as a clanging cymbal.
To be great in the Kingdom is not what we call great here on earth. Having the world has always cost your soul, but we are a people with memory problems. There is nothing glamorous about God’s work. God’s work put a perfect man on a cross. God’s work has sent many to their deaths. It has been a work that has cost anyone who has bought into it everything. That’s what we signed up for when we chose to follow Him. When I think about it, there’s nothing glamorous about any story of greatness I have ever read. Stories of greatness include blood, sweat, and tears with greatest fears becoming reality. What makes these stories great is what they did in the face of fear.
They stand.
They look fear in the face and choose the hard road, the more honorable way. The cross.
They choose these things, not for their own glory, but for the rescue of those who cannot fight for themselves. They lay down their lives for others. These are the books that have kept me up all night, food on the pages because I just can’t put it down. These are the stories that have inspired me from childhood to choose the less glamorous road, to choose adventure instead. Some call it foolishness…I call it life and we all have one that God picked out just for us. It’s never too late to start pursuing the One who created you, to fall deeply and madly in love with Him to the point that, should He ask, you would leave it all simply to be with Him. This is the romance we have been invited into, and it’s not a romance in a book. This is real, more real than any romance you have experienced before.
Take a leap of faith. Step out of the fiction section and start writing your own adventure. It will hurt. Loving Him will cost you everything, but, then again, so did loving you.
