In a moment, everything changed. With one message from a friend, I became deeply and utterly disturbed, burdened, and broken as I learned that a woman I had briefly met in the bars of Thailand had been brutally murdered. I read the message several times, looking at her picture, and at first, I felt nothing. I stared at the wall thinking “I don’t know how to process this right now.” It was an hour later, as I sat in my Dangerous Jesus class, when the wave of emotion hit me in the form of shaking all over my body. I was trembling everywhere and I knew that I could not stay in that room because soon, I would lose it. When I walked out of the room, a friend was standing there and asked if I needed to talk. I said “yes,” and as soon as I began to tell her what happened, the rush of tears came. They came and I could not stop. “It’s so unfair!” I said over and over. I was angry, I was filled with sorrow, I was disturbed. I was disturbed because I had become so comfortable in my own little world, and now that world was shattered. “These are the stories that you read in the news and can be somehow disconnected because it doesn’t happen to anyone you know. And then, all of the sudden, you see a face you recognize as you read a terrible description of a horrid murder and it all becomes very real,” I told my friend. What happened to this beautiful child of God motivates me so much! I am suddenly reminded that the stakes are high and lives are actually on the line in what we do. It’s real and I need to take it so much more seriously than I have.
I struggle to know what to say beyond this. While I have been disturbed and deeply sorrowful for what my sister went through in her last hours, I have found great peace in my God. He assured me that He was with her, that He feels deeper sorrow than I could fathom and I believe that is true. I cannot give logic or reason to why this happened. I won’t begin to try to do that. But I will not sit paralyzed either. I will fight for my brothers and sisters like I never have before. I will seek refuge and strength in my God who is faithful, even when we don’t understand. I will not be silenced in the fight to seek and save the lost. My Master’s mission is mine and I won’t stop until it is complete. That I do know. That is all I know. I will trust that God is good.
I was reading, the other day, in Genesis chapter 22 when God asks Abraham to sacrifice his son of promise on an altar. I was considering what might have been going through Abraham’s mind as he heard God’s voice asking him to do this crazy thing. Why didn’t Abraham bargain with God like he had with Sodom and Gomorrah? There was no conversation whatsoever. Abraham simply got up and immediately set out on the journey of obedience to God’s command. As I thought of this, I pictured Abraham as he walked, and with every step toward the mountain, the resolve in his heart that God was faithful only grew. He had waited so long for the son of promise and the waiting had created within him an absolute assurance that God was true to His word and would not go back on His promises. He was a God of covenant and that would not change. So with each step, the faith within Abraham became more and more settled. God would be faithful, even if it meant He would have to raise Isaac from the dead.
In our own journeys, sometimes things have to become settled within us. As we take each step toward the mountain of sacrifice, the knowledge that God is faithful becomes settled within our hearts because we have seen it. This comes only in close intimacy with Him. We must walk with Him through the good and the bad, bringing it all to Him and trusting that He is good no matter what. My God is faithful and He is just. I know this as surely as I know the sky is blue because I have walked with Him through the easy pastures, up the difficult mountain paths, and through the dark valleys. My Father is good. My Papa is faithful. My Lord is just.
How has He proven His goodness and faithfulness to you? What are some ways that perhaps the Father has been trying to show you His character and how have you responded? I encourage you to share your answers in the comments. I would love to hear what the Lord is doing in you!
